Speaking in Third Person
With the new Kate Hudson flick You, Me and Dupree opening tomorrow, I'm hearing a lot of talk about third wheels -- you know: the pitiful add-on in a threesome. (Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. "Group of three," whatever...)
Apparently Owen Wilson's lovable slacker character, Dupree, loses his job and his home after attending the wedding of his friends, Molly and Carl (played by Hudson and Matt Dillon). So Molly and Carl invite him to crash at their place, Dupree overstays his welcome, high jinks, hilarity, etc.
Now that situation sounds to me like a hopefully-we'll-laugh-about-it-later relationship disaster, especially for a newlywed couple... But then again, I'm a big believer in the "houseguests are like fish" philosophy.
And it's even more awful for the Dupree because, well, how depressing. But I'd have to guess that third wheels don't usually know they're third wheels, right? So I polled some iVillage staffers to help 'em out:
You Know You're the Third Wheel When...
- You're always the only one in the backseat
- They're sharing an appetizer while you're going solo
- While you're out, they're text messaging... each other
- They "forget" to change their reservation from two to three
- You stop bothering to put the pull-out bed back into the couch each morning
- You're always on the outside of their inside jokes
- They start shopping for a two-seater car
- Your ticket is for a seat in another section of the theater
- Your "workday" consists of drinking their OJ right from the carton during The Price Is Right
- They keep insisting on setting you up on dates (emphasis on insisting)
- You find yourself on the side of the dance floor... holding three drinks
- You hear a lot of, "So, where can we drop you off?"
Keep the list going below...
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...they take you with them to a bar and you don't see them again until the bouncers are mopping the floors and turning off the lights.
...they are just going to have a quiet night in and ask 'so what are you going to do'?
They move...and don't leave a forwarding address.
They tell you about something and say, " but you would not be interested in going with us to that...you would be bored to death.."
They purchase tickest for a show and ask, "Oh, did you want to come?"
...They set up a profile for you on an online dating site.
Hey.
I found your link via a link, via a link, via yet another link, you know the story :)
Cool site, will link it and continue to read!
When you go out to eat and the hostess asks how many - they say two for a booth and one at the bar...
He finds a note attached to the refrigerator paddlocked stating "its been great so like McDonalds is down the street and the SUPER8 motel is open, chao bela!"
you find yourself waiting to be worked in between the arcade and there mom
Wow - somebody is finally writing about me! I'm the ultimate Third-Wheeler!
when they invite you over to hang out with them and start their foreplay right in front of you!
When her friends start to refer to you as her "second boyfriend"--as in, "Are you and your boyfriends going to join us tonight?"
when sex in the same room with you ISN'T weird
When you go to the movies with someone but you feel by yourself
When your feeling the guy, and you go out to the club and he whispers in your ear....so what's up with your friend.
How about when just out of the blue they tell "you have a new apartment,your gonna love it!" and follow it up with "You can pay us back for the security deposit next month."
when you go to the movies with them, and she tells you to sit over >there
when you get stuck holding the shopping bags while they smooch in one of the photography booths in the mall.
When they go to a show and then say, 'oh we didn't think about asking you' or 'oh! we didn't think you had time'
they are eating from china and silverware while you have supper from a foam plate with a plastic spork...........
When you go to the bar as a group but they go to the bathroom - together - for an hour or so at a time (yeah, wonder what THEY'RE doing).
When you are hanging out with all your friends, yet have no one to talk to because all of them are making out with one another.
When they start telling you, "We need to hook you up with someone." And just happen to have that someone waiting in the car for you.
When your taken friend starts scoping guys to set you up with.
When you're with them and yet feel lonely.
When they say, "Could you pass the KY, AS SOON AS YOUR DONE WITH IT!"