I know there are some who say that marriage is a contract that should be negotiated and renegotiated as such, but I think it's crazy.

I am all for renewing your vows every seven years, though, although I'm biased a bit since I host an iVillage Weddings board about it, lol. I think that it's necessary to periodically stop and let each other know that you still love them and want to be with them forever. :)

I think it's a good idea to reaffirm your committment to one another periodically. During our wedding ceremony (14 years ago...) we invited all the married couples in the church to hold hands and silently say the vows along with us to reaffirm their vows. While I admit stealing the idea from a novel I enjoyed, I still really love the sentiment behind it. ;)

I don't think it is for everyone, however I think it could be a good idea for some. Some marriages get so entrenched in the everyday that they forget the bond that brought them together. I think that a 7 year renewal would give a good pause to a hectic marriage. However there are some marriages that don't need a reminder so I think it would be silly to have this apply to them. I could also see this 7 year renewal turning into another excuse for the wedding industry to bleed money out of good intentioned couples (like they already do)So that's my view...(steps off soap box)

I don't like the idea of it.
A lot of people would then get married thinking that if they don't like it, they can get out without any further responsibility... and marriage SHOULD be a responsibility. Sure, take steps before marriage to ensure you are compatible and really in love, but really commit yourself when you get married. I think this proposal would weaken marriage in a way, since it would give it a 'trial run' period like cable and phone companies offer. Maybe making a law requiring couples to cohabitate one year before marriage, or somesuch, would be more effective without weakening marriage.

And I also don't think a renewal every seven years would be convenient or necessary in most cases of couples who HAVE lasted seven or more years. Some people just don't like formal ceremonies and such, and it'd be annoying.

but a renewal doesn't have to be a formal ceremony or a ceremony at all - it could be just the two of you holding hands, looking into each other's eyes, and saying "I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you always". That, too, is reaffirmation, and sometimes it's all anyone needs.

I don't know about the automatic dissolving of the marriage but I like the idea of renewal and extension. I think it is a good thing to check in with your partner and to know that marriage, like anything else, is not guaranteed to last forever and is no more than what you make it. Being married and actively participating in a marriage are two very different things.

I don't know about the automatic dissolving of the marriage but I like the idea of renewal and extension. I think it is a good thing to check in with your partner and to know that marriage, like anything else, is not guaranteed to last forever and is no more than what you make it. Being married and actively participating in a marriage are two very different things.

Brenda, such a good point! I love that. From now on when people ask me if I'm married, I'll say, "Not only am I married... I am an active participant in my marriage!"

Excellent Idea! Everyone lets dust settle on wedding pictures and things have a knack of becomeing routine. You should want to renew your vowes whenever and wherever you can. My ex always talked about our doing it ... but never did. One of the reasons he's the ex.
Either he loves you as much or more ... make it a weekend away and show him you would marry him again. Men aren't ness. going to think of things like this so why not do it for both of you?

I love the idea of a renewal especially if you have children. What an awesome gift to give THEM! To stand up again and promise to love and honor your spouse in front of them; giving them the security of knowing you love each other still. I think that could have a great impact on them. I have 3 boys and I'm planning a renewal with my husband. I want them to grow up knowing, REALLY knowing we love each other. And that we are still happy we married each other and had them!
I believe that co-habitating is part of the divorce problem. After living together there is so specialness to the marriage and then getting to live with one another. Marriage is taken so lightly now a days. Hense the idea of being able to dissolve your marriage after 7 years.
What type of message is that sending to our children? We ask them to commit to their teams, school, and their life; why should they feel obligated when we can not commit to our marriage? I believe that we should seriously think about marriage before we COMMIT to it.

I think, in order to find any answers to this, we first have to find out exactly what it is that makes the marriage lose what it had from the start. Alot of men and women are bad about starting off a relationship with gestures,gifts and sweet talk etc. that they let go over the years. Maybe a feeling of comfort in the marrage? Even the lil things like "good morning sweetheart" seems to lose something over time. Why? I feel it no longer truly comes from the heart as much as something that is expected. If you both always speak from the heart and asure the other that the love has never lost the magic. In a way, you are renewing your vowes daily! Keeping in mind the reasons you fell in love to begin with. If you REALLY love them, NEVER leave them any reasons to doubt it. If you are not sure you still love them or are loved by them. Maybe its time to have a long heart to heart talk. Nobody wants to wonder if they are truly loved!!
Just this guys point of view.

I think that the 7 yr renew or end is bogus! I am not saying that all marriages last as mine is ending now in its 5th year, but what Gabriele Pauli is saying just gives ppl an out with no effort! Vow renewals are important and I have seen them bring ppl closer together. Just think of what the world would be like if everyone could simply walk away after 7 yrs. Isnt it bad enough now when we still have to go through a true divorce????

I completely agree with John…if couples “renew” their vows daily by saying they honestly love each other then another wedding vow renewal after 7 years won’t be necessary. But of course, it can be a memorable and beautiful gesture that a husband and wife will never forget because it will once again bring back the pre-wedding jitters and excitement that they love! So, men if you love your wife, THEN TELL HER! And women if you love your husband, TELL HIM! Don’t give them a reason to doubt it for a second, which will make all the difference in how long your marriage will last. Because commitment is the Ultimate gift that one can give.

What a great idea and one I have been talking about for years. That way if she puts on 70 pounds and looks like crap but blames it on having kids. You can make her a free agent and start over! I'm sure that will help her to find the gym again. If she stops wanting to have sex, perfect! Hit the road without taking half of my stuff and move on.
It gives the power back to the idea of being a couple and attracting the other in the relationship. Not blaming an overburdened lifestyle for their lack of effort.

I think that the 7 year re-newal could be good for some people. If you did this though, it should be made alot harder to get out of the marriage. If you made a mistake and married the wrong person, tough cookies till your 7 years are up. You could seperate of course, but not divorce and remarry again and again.. (Like Brittany Spears)At 7 years, my husband had an affair, and we tried to work it out, but for the last 7 years, the marriage has went downhill. The trust was gone on my part, which led to eventual seperation and soon now to be divorced. I'm not saying that you should not try to stay together, but at least then BOTH husband and wife would maybe try harder to stay married, or if it wasn't working out, to just let it end, but kindof force a period where they could not just go out and get married again after only being married a few months.

I completely agree with Gabriele Pauli. I married young, and I wish this was available. Between the video games and his TV schedule he doesn't have time for me unless it involves dinner, sex or something I might have said or done wrong. I have kept it together this long for my family. They don't think just because he ignores me that I have a reason for divorce. I have been saving up so I can leave the state. If this would have been an option I wouldn't have had to stay with him this long.

I was wondering is after seven years of a couple first getting together or is it after seven years of marriage that the "itch" supposedly sets in?

While I don't think there should be a 'get out of jail free card' at the seven year mark I do like the idea of not letting people get divorced until after a couple years. That would at least help eliminate some of the people who've dated for a whole 2 months and are "so in love" from deciding to get married right away, and then many times subsequently divorced. Maybe forcing people to wait things out a couple years would put some meaning back into the idea of marriage.
The marriage vow renewal can be sweet I don't like how the whole package is presented. It makes it sound to much like a business deal that may or may not work out. Marriage isn't supposed to be that way. Marriage's are about commitment, love, responsibility and hard work. Some times they last forever and sometimes that isn't possible and it's all individual experience. However, I think in today's society people skip the hard work part a lot of the time and go straight to divorce.

I think that there is something no-one has noticed. As long as divorce is allowed, then marriage is fairly meaningless. What meaning does "till death do us part" have if one can change it to "i want a divorce?" I am not saying that no marriages work, but being married in and of itself guarantees nothing. And if both people work hard ongoingly to keep the love alive, then a license or a priest's approval are not necessarily required.

Someone posted that getting up in front of your kids and reaffirming that you love each other is a great gift to your kids...

My question is what is wrong with you that your kids are not seeing you reaffirming your love for each other every single day at home? My kids see my wife and I hug and kiss all the time. They hear us tell each other we love each other all the time. This not only shows affection to each other, but is good modeling behavior for them...something that they will unconsciously mimic when they are grown and in a relationship...which can help them have a more loving relationship when they are grown.

Robbr, maybe that was Shannon's idea and opinion of what a wonderful gift that would be to give their children. I don't think there was anything wrong with the thought. I do think it would have a good impact on their children. What child do YOU know wouldn't bennefit from seeing their parents reaffirm their committment to eachother? Why does something have to be wrong with HER? Yea, your kids see you and your wife hug and kiss and whatever else, but don't you think they would love to see their parents renew their vows at least once in their lifetime? That could show them what true love and committment in a marriage is. I guess your kids just take what they can see at face value with plenty of help from you. I wonder how your wife feels about Shannon's comments and of course, her sensitive husband's comments.

I guess for some people who say they 'fall in and out of love' with one another, (which i still don't see as possible) would like that as an option. I personally would never want to do that since I have no reason or want in my mind to ever break the ties with my fiancee right now, and I wont do so either once we tie the knot. Some people just don't pick the right person to be with, and others think about what they REALLY are feeling more, and do pick good choices. Like my parents have been together for 22 years this December and still are together and happy most of the time. On the other hand people like my grandpa would like this because he never has been able to keep a wife for more than 14 years. I know i'm going to keep the person i'm with right now because i've had my eye on him since elementry school and we share the same feelings about eachother. Though getting vows renewed on the seven year mark is a wonderful idea! :)

It's the usual HYPE. Either you have a strong marriage or you don't. It's not a car you take in for oil changed ever 20,000 miles. If you think that you don't have to work hard at having a strong marriage because you can "just" say no when they 7 years are up.. it's lame. My parents have been married 42 years - I don't see them in need of "re-newing" anything.
It's all boils down to love, respect, honesty, communication, friendship and hard work.
A ceremony will not stop a man or a woman from cheating or other stupid stuff that can ruin a marriage. It's to easy to quit a marriage these days.. This is no different. Besides waht if you have a 10 year itch not a 7? hmm? silly.

A marriage is not a contract, it is a promise. You don't get to get out of it because someone didn't hold up their end. You promised to love him/her in good times and in bad... Just a point I wanted to make. Renew if you feel it's necessary, but I like red's point that it doesn't have to be a ceremony.

A marriage is not a contract, it is a promise. You don't get to get out of it because someone didn't hold up their end. You promised to love him/her in good times and in bad... Just a point I wanted to make. Renew if you feel it's necessary, but I like red's point that it doesn't have to be a ceremony.

It was supposed to be until death do we part not until it gets uncomfortable...

There was certainly no till death do us part in my marriage vows or in my daughters. I made that promise the first time only to have my husband walk out on me. I don't mind a commitment, but people change. Marriage is a contract where your supposed to be a certain way. I am not going to stick in bad times when the bad comes from someone not holding up an agreement.

I remarried 8 years ago and I sure has heck wish it had ended a year ago. I wouldn't have renewed and I wouldn't be still stuck here trying to get out of a marriage where my husband doesn't have a clue how unhappy I am. Telling him goes in one ear and out the other. Marriage Counseling only worked while we were in it. In less that 4 months everything is back to where it was. I should have stuck to my guns and left last year.

I don't plan on letting another year pass thats for sure

There was certainly no till death do us part in my marriage vows or in my daughters. I made that promise the first time only to have my husband walk out on me. I don't mind a commitment, but people change. Marriage is a contract where your supposed to be a certain way. I am not going to stick in bad times when the bad comes from someone not holding up an agreement.

I remarried 8 years ago and I sure has heck wish it had ended a year ago. I wouldn't have renewed and I wouldn't be still stuck here trying to get out of a marriage where my husband doesn't have a clue how unhappy I am. Telling him goes in one ear and out the other. Marriage Counseling only worked while we were in it. In less that 4 months everything is back to where it was. I should have stuck to my guns and left last year.

I don't plan on letting another year pass thats for sure

My husband and I started talking about this idea as the gay marriage debate heated up. "why does anyone marry - what really changed about us before/after?" compare home buying to marriage. if half of the prep, qualifications and signatures of the former went into the latter...I wonder?
we brainstormed a few options:
* a two year "probation" contract for newlyweds with option to renew/upgrade. at the end you can stay or go similar to car lease. no kids, no split of assets.
* renewal contracts with or without children. w/kids, minimum 20 years duration, credit + background checks,and financial and custody plans if breach.
* of course we don't need gov't OK to have kids! but incentives for planning and forethought could work. shorter term no-kid contracts would have a clause that if you spawned you'd null the original and be bound by the 20 yr, with focus mainly on kids' well-being.

Romance isn't dead. It thrives better around secure plans than wedding magazine fairy tales.

This issue would be a non-issue if people focused more on keeping their marriages exciting. For example, there's a great article on how to help your spouse cheat on you at http://www.dailysexscoop.com/pleasing-him/how-to-help-your-spouse-cheat-on-you-2.html