I think a woman should not only keep her name, but her children should have her name as well. After all, one can only be certain of who his/ her biological mother is.

Actually, that argument was incorrect. It would be more accurate to say a woman can be absolutely certain who her child is, but there may be doubt as to the identity of the father. To heck with our patriarchal society!

I have to say, I'm not a fan of the poll. I think whether you change your name is a personal decision. The poll doesn't ask me what I would want to do, it asks me what women should do as a whole. I would be inclined to change my name, but I don't think all women should change their name just because I would!

People should do want they want. After all, it is having choices that is / was the most important result of the feminist movement. Everyone does not need to conform to the same way of doing things. Why do people not query if the man will change his? Or how the man plans to balance career / family life? I do not plan to change my name and any children will take mine - I'll carry them for 9 months - not him (DNA tests can prove paternity for those earlier comments) My finace will not consider changing his name in any way. Why should I? Why be the only one with all the headaches and costs of changing it? Affect my workplace relationships? If it was to be "united as a couple" both people could change / merge their last names to come up with a new one.

I changed my name when I got married-- while I felt attached to my maiden name (for all of the reasons listed above), I felt that taking my husbands name created solidarity and made us a "unit". Plus, I knew it was important to him and I felt it was something that I could do to show him honor. That said, sometimes I miss my old (albeit long and cumbersome) name.

I am a man and I feel that women have all the right to keep their maiden name, but it also shows a great deal of respect and honour for their partner if they change it. These days many people dont't give a hoot about honour and that is why society is what it is today. Obviously though if you do change it, it should be of your own will and not because it's a 'tradition' but because of that love and honour you should have for your partner, and it also, somehow, creates a greater bond between the couple.

I chose to change my last name when I got married, and I don't feel as though it was costly or a hassle. It was free at the social security office, and I had to change my license because I had moved. I felt as though getting married signified the start of a new chapter of my life; becoming a wife was a new addition to who I was, as well as a permanent change. I liked that the change of name was an outward expression of that, and I was looking forward to it. I understand the struggle when handling a working persona, but I think it's completely acceptable to keep a maiden name as a "middle" name in addition to a new married name. It feels to me like a happy medium between maintaining an individual, professional standing and showing a degree of respect to your husband's name and potential traditional expectations.

Here, in Quebec (Canada), it is against the law for a woman to change her name. I believe this law has been in effect since the early 80s, but maybe before. My mother did not change her name, nor did my grandmothers, about 50 or 60 years ago, when they got married. I don't believe a woman should change her name, and kids can have a hyphenated family name.

When you get married, you become a new family, a "couple". Your children become extensions of you and your husband. The whole point of marriage is you take what lessons you've learned from both parents and branch off to create the next generation. Your idenity is more than a name. I took my husband's name and don't have a shred of regret- and I'm a writer! It's also much easier socially for children and others.

What if people are in a common law union, without ever getting married,you would have a life, kids, the whole shebang... but you would keep your name, right?
It's not about starting a new life together, what about the life you had before, is it completely pushed aside? Women have for too long been told by men and by the Church what to do. Changing your name is one more proof of the patriarchal domination that has too long reigned over us. You don't change your name if you have kids,or if you become CEO, why is getting married different from all these steps in life?

Would your husband ever change his name? The answer to this is quite telling....

I changed my name when I got married. I did consider hyphenating but the names didn't flow well together. :) (can you say OCD?)
I did have an unusual advantage over most newlyweds though. My husband and I met at a family owned company that bore his last name so I had been writing the name for years before it became my own. I had placed lunch orders under it, scheduled deliveries with it, milked it for every bit of clout it may or may not have contained. :) So while it was MY new name it wasn't new to me. That might have been why I never seriously considered keeping my maiden name. Now, with children in school, I'm oh-so-very-glad-I-did! School registration is confusing enough without juggling a multitude of last names within a household.

Great poll Marissa--you rock. ;)

I would change my last name, especially if I had kids because hyphenated names are soo cumbersome (i knew a kid with the last name, it was a hyphenation that was so long it didn't fit on his football jersey!)

Sometimes it just sounds ridiculous to change your name. My name is Crystal Bleu Waters. Unless I marry a man with the last name of Persuasion, Lake, Stream or River, it sounds like a non sequitur. Plus, everyone remembers my name. Who's gonna remember "Crystal Jones"?

First of all, Crystal Bleu Waters... Are you a stripper?

Secondly, it is a pain in the butt to write my brother-in-law and his wife, because she did not take his name. For example, its not Mr. and Mrs. Jones, But Mr. Jones and Ms. Smith, its the Jones-Smith family... And for the kids, man, I don't know what they'll do. It immediately makes most people think they're not married, divorced, or one is a step parent to see parents with different last names.

Different names is a bad idea.

My fiance had never even considered changing her name, while i had never considered that she wouldn't. We try not to do anything else 'just because that's what you do', so i'm still open to her keeping her name. Though at first, I felt insulted, like she wants to marry me, but doesn't want anyone to know. Or that she'd be embarassed to run into any of her old friends who would mock her for caving in to society. As Irfaan mentioned, I feel it is more about respect and honor than tradition. I'm not sure what she'll (we'll) do, but I'm glad she sent me here. I'm grateful for all the opinions expressed here.
Except for D. L. brady. If you can't even keep track of who the father of your children are, I think they're gonna have a lot bigger problems than what their last name(s) are. Sounds like a late night infomercial..."to heck with partriarchal society. Screw everything that moves. You can create your own fatherless family in 3 easy steps - order now, pimps are standing by..."

I strongly oppose taking my fiance's last name. I own a business and he has a crazy ex that still carries his name. No way for me, but how do I tell him without hurting his feelings?

We've decided if you change your last name - YOU GET TO NAME ALL THE KIDS' first names!

The husband already 'got' the last name!

: )

My mother was married and divorced twice and went back to her birth name after the 2nd divorce. So there are 3 different surnames in our family, and, yes, there is confusion at times, but it is not a big deal - we've managed to cope just fine.

My best friend and her husband kept their names and started a busines where they travel a lot. Reservations are made in either name so he gets called Mr. HerName all the time. Doesn't bother him.

I don't understand why not changing your name is a lack of honor and respect for your husband. If that is how I would honor my husband what does he do to honor me? Endow me with his worldly goods? No thanks, my basement is already too full of worldly goods. ;-) Can I ask him to change his name to mine to honor me?

From my admittedly small sampling of friends, I have found no correlation between whether the wife changes her name and fidelity and respect in the marriage.

I hyphenated my name after I got married, and I willingly took on my husband's name. I guess since hyphenating is easier and allows you to identify with both families it's cool. This way you can show 1) You're married and 2)You want to carry on your family name. I also believe since my dad never had any boys it's up to my sister and
I to carry on his line.

Also in NY State they now allow the guy to change his name to yours. So when they told us that option we had a good laugh. Not that it was so strange but it was so untraditonal. My husband's too traditional to even consider it.

hey i just wanted to let everyone know that it was 11 months into my new marriage when Social Security office advised me about the potential problems that i would face (with them, IRS, etc) if i failed to change my name. btw i live in Arkansas so maybe check about the legal downfalls if you choose not to change your name. in the end i reluctantly changed my name. :( but now i am ok with it, i think lol.

This is very timely. We were married on Aug 6 this year and I still don't know what I'll do about my name, but everyone keeps asking. We're too old to have children and we have been together 16 years so are used to being a "2-name couple". I have a friend who changed her name socially, but not legally (i.e. social security, irs). This plan really appeals to me. But I'm not sure how to get a checking account in another name without changing the SSN or driver's license. To complicate things further, I lost my dad this past spring and it feels a bit like an insult to him to throw away his name and adopt my husband's right now.

When I married in th early 80's it never occured to me to change my name. My husband suggested we take eachothers last name as our middle names. I did, but he didn't. Twenty-two years later we divorced, I'm so glad I didn't change my name! What a hassle to get your name back, credit cards, the IRS, social security, etc. I can't believe its 2006 and we're still having this discussion. Most men never even consider changing their names, why should we? My kids have my last name as their middle name, and their dad's surname, that way they have both our last names.

I'm getting married next year and I plan to hyphenate my maiden name and my fiance's last name...we are both from different cultural backgrounds and my last name is a big part of who I am...

After my first marriage I changed my name socially but not legally. I did this more out of laziness than anything else. Everyone let me change my name on drivers license and bank accounts and credit cards without a problem. I had to go all the way down to the SS office to change it legally so I still have my maiden on social security numbers. I get paid and file my taxes under my maiden name but everyone calls me (socially & professionally) by my married name. I got divorced and still live with the 2 name issues. Now I am getting remarried and my financee wants me to change to his name but my young children want me to have the same last name as they do. I don't want to confuse school officials, teachers or their friends parents. At this point, I am thinking of keeping things the way they are until my children graduate from school and then make a decision about changing it again. Ugh!! I really wish I had given my kids my surname except I didn't know it was an option and their father wouldn't have agreed

There are two major reasons I kept my name. One, the cultural practice of women changing their names originated in English common law, for the reason that women were the PROPERTY of their husbands. In short, when you got married, you and your husband became one person --and that person was the husband. So yes, changing your name is "traditional," but is that a tradition you really want to uphold? Two, I decided I wanted to set an example for my daughters, if I had them. What kind of message does it send to take on someone else's identity when you get married? As to the common argument that children are confused by having parents with two different last names: that's just ridiculous, and underestimates children's intelligence. My four-year-old daughter knows my last name, understands that it's different from hers and her father's, and has no problem with it. To her, it's normal. It has been more difficult to educate her pre-school teachers (and the other parents) but that's a task I'm willing to take on.

I didn't take my husband's name...one big reason was because of his lack of strong family ties. I didn't feel it was right to give up my family name for his when he hardly has contact with his family. Our child has my name for the same reason. Also, marrying a divorced name and having to share his name with his ex doesn't help either ;).

I married when I was 18 and I changed my name. I received college degree, masters degree, etc. with my married name. I subsequently opened a business (name recognition) very important. You already know where this is going. Yes, i divorced after 23 years. About midway in my career, I started hypening my last name with my husband's. I made no difference. A nightmare ensued SIX years later I am still explaining who I am. I went back to my mainden name -- the name I was born with. My philosophy is I was born with it and I will die with it. With multiple marriages, a woman is marked with every single name she takes. Thank you mom and dad for my name -- I will love it and keep it, just as your son will love and keep his.

I married when I was 18 and I changed my name. I received college degree, masters degree, etc. with my married name. I subsequently opened a business (name recognition) very important. You already know where this is going. Yes, i divorced after 23 years. About midway in my career, I started hypening my last name with my husband's. I made no difference. A nightmare ensued SIX years later I am still explaining who I am. I went back to my mainden name -- the name I was born with. My philosophy is I was born with it and I will die with it. With multiple marriages, a woman is marked with every single name she takes. Thank you mom and dad for my name -- I will love it and keep it, just as your son will love and keep his.

I've been married three times, my name matches my first husband, the name of my children, and we're still good friends. I didn't change my name for the third marriage, there were already too many of them (family) and two ex-wives. I didn't want to be part of that group..this turned out to be a good thing...

This is to amber, one other reason I didn't change my name, there was just too much paperwork and accounts and stuff to remember. I just didn't want the hassle...and one other reason was stated by Kristin, no family ties..in the end, I left, didn't want to be alienated from my family any more....

I kept my last name for a multitude of reasons: first and foremost being it's MY name. I find it utterly incomprehensible that it would be expected that I change who I am because I got married. Marriage is about partnership. You should enter it with your eyes wide open, as well as with an acceptance and respect for each other's individuality. Without that you'll never be a cohesive, functioning unit with the ability to honor the vows you've made. It's the cohesion that grows from your understanding and equal partnership that will enable your children to grow up feeling safe and secure, with a true sense of family, not a surname.

Wow. Just, wow.

I wonder if there's a correlation between taking your husband's name and being a stay-at-home mom.
I'm planning to change my name when I get married to my fiance. It's not just about tradition, it's about being proud of becoming a family and presenting a united face to the world. (Plus, my maiden name is a two-word mouthful. ;)

Generally, I feel that people should do whatever they want. A couple friends who got married planned to change both their last names to her mom's maiden name.

I didn't take my husband's last name, mainly because I didn't like the whole "being property" thing. However, it sounds like a lot of women keep their names but give the kids his name, making the mom the odd one out. Am I wrong; are their more women out their who give the kids their name? Let me know. Thanks!

I changed my last name 6 yrs ago when me and my husband got married b/c we were building our family together and I being pregnant at the time felt that it was important to have one name together! but for the laziness thing i kept reading above i never changed it on my social security card and we have problems with the irs every yr! but its never a big problem and we always get our refund! I think its personal preference!

I've had this issue without even being married! My mother had me when before she was married, and thus, I had her maiden name, but then she married, divorced, and remarried, and I was changed to the last name of whoever it was she was married to at the time, now I have her maiden name (I'm now 18) and I've had thoughts about what I'm going to do when I marry. To me, being from a French background, my name is unique and it helps shape my identity, which is a change from when I was living at home...and it's a solid part of me. My mother didn't want me to have her maiden name because she thought that it would be disrespectful of my step father(s) and made me feel bad about my maiden name. But now, I know, that my last name, it's my identity, it's me, it's who I am, and living in an English province, it's my only connection to my French background. I am proud to have my name, but I do want my partners' name when we marry, but I will miss my only link to my French heritage.

I totally agree with Dana and Ria - people talk about being traditional but the tradition they are upholding is is about ownership of a woman by a man, of her being passed from one man to another. I am sure that is not what many women think about when considering this issue but it is a fact. I am genuinely perplexed by why so many women want to change their name to their husbands' and why so many men make such a fuss if they do not. I agree it is about choice and I would not want to deny any woman that. However the argument about "hassle", if wives and children have names different to the husband/father, is very weak. Last names have only been in existance for a few hundred years. We managed for thousands without them.

I think it is important for women to do both. Sometimes there are no sons in a family and a daughter feels the need to carry on her family name or the name is sentimental or tied to tradition. These are all great reasons to keep your maiden name. We must realize though, that our name wouldn't be the same if our mothers or their mothers had kept their maiden names. I feel then that it is equally important to take on new names or keep old names to keep family names alive. As for myself, I plan to have four names, my original full name and my fiance's last name, but without the hyphen. He already has children with his name and I am very happy that we'll all have the same name because I love them as my own, but I will also have my birth name with me for the rest of my life and it can always be traced back to me. I feel that both families' heritage should be important to the couple and the children, not just one or the other.

I've thought about this so much I'm dizzy. I've concluded that the couple should create their own last name. That negates the ownership issue which is the main reason I refuse to take a man’s last name. Creating a new name based on each individual’s last name is a literal manifestation of the figurative union between husband and wife. Plus, it represents an equal partnership with both parties contributing - a much better start to a new life than basing it on one person’s sacrifice. It also reduces the complications for children if you decide to hyphenate. I mean, what if 2 hyphenated children marry? Will they have a 4 word last name - LOL? I know some will argue about lineage, but I personally find that irrelevant. Lineage focuses on the past, and to me, marriage is about the future.

Me, I chose to change my last name; not only for the sake of tradition. Plus, I Love my hubby and he wouldn't of let me live it down if I didn't. What about the idea of a man changing his last name to fit his wife??? Just an after thought....lol.

do whatever makes you happy. Don't think about what others say or tell you, its your life.
I took my husbands got divorced and WILL take my fiances because that is what I want to do. My daughter thinks I should keep the same one as her but it's her fathers and I don't want it anymore when I marry again.

Each to their own I say. But I go with the theory of Family Unit. After working in a school office, I can tell you it's far easier if the parents and the kids all have the same name and hyphens are just a pain in the you know what!

I am planning on changing my name when I get married because my current name holds memories of my father abusing myself and my family. Quite frankly, I can't wait until I finally do away with my last name and adopt my fiance's. But that is just me!

I think you change your name b/c you are starting a new life together. Isn't that the reason for marriage?

In my family my mom never changed her maiden name , she sure has lots of respect and love for my dad and viceversa and they are happily married for nearly 33 years. In my case i believed in oneness by changing my surname when i got married, going through all the hassle and now we are about to separate,when friends and acquaintances address me by my present name, i no longer feel its mine and deeply regret having changed my maiden name. Now i realise expressing a girl's individuality by keeping her maiden name is defenitely a better choice.In a way it's honouring yourself,there are 101 other ways to honour your husband.

Women as a whole should not change their names.It is something prescious handed to you from your family.All the arguments that the women who are for changing their names are ridiculous.These women say you should respect your husband and show him that you are willing to give yourself and that to him.What about the children you give to him?When is it ever enough?What is he giving to you?Let us live in a realistic world here!Men still cheat and those rings still come off.Hell, most of your husbands are are posting ads on Craigslist for a hookup later this week while you think they are out shopping.I am not saying all men cheat and women do the same thing but it just is a little ridiculous.Most marriages do not last forever anyway.I say 50 percent on both sides is the way to go.Keep your last names and they should too and your children should have hyphenated names because you both made them.Let your husbands honor that!The women who fought for YOUR rights should be just as ashamed of you as I am!Married 20+years!