Work-Love Balance
There's a new Wall Street Journal article that's starting a bit of a debate. It tells this story about whether to ask your significant other for career advice:
When Jane Genova was trying to cope with a difficult client who underpaid her and called at all hours, the speechwriting consultant turned to her significant other for advice. He urged her to be more assertive, suggesting she write a letter that stipulated her new fees and available hours. She did just that and also told the client, "I want to be talked to in a civil manner," she recalls.But Ms. Genova's clients considered her new tactics a laugh riot. They began to mock her with false sincerity, saying things like "Would this be too much work for you?" and "I hope this is a good time to call," recalls Ms. Genova. "I finally had to leave [the company] because they were playing with me." She learned a lesson, though: "I never take advice from a significant other," she says. "It's career suicide." Instead, she opted for counsel from an executive coach, career therapist and even a spiritual adviser, she says. "They said, 'Grow up.' "
For the husband of the woman in the story to have said, "Grow up" -- as she thinks she needed to hear -- it would haven taken some very tough love. Sometimes that kind of honesty can be hard to swallow... and it could easily cause a lot of tension in a relationship. (Not to mention, of course, that now she's resentful towards him... despite the fact that, well, he was right -- and she really should find herself a new executive coach, career therapist and spiritual advisor. But that's neither here nor there.)
Personally, I always ask my fiancé for career advice and I often follow it; I really respect his opinion. On top of that, my career is an important aspect of my life, therefore it's an important aspect of our life.
What do you think?
This really goes back to the "work life balance" part of the article. Do you live to work, or do you work to live (pay your bills, etc.)?
Is your work truly as important to you as your personal life, your significant other, etc? Is it really?
Would you rather lose your partner just to keep that job and those clients that are over-reaching into your personal life? Or do you enjoy your work enough that it's worth it?
I think the advice she initially received from her significant other was conceptually sound, but a little drastic.
If you let other people (read: your clients) run your life, call you at all hours, etc. then they will. You can be firm without being "in your face" and crude about it however. The letter she used sounded a bit naive and overdone.
It's as simple as turning that work phone off when you don't want to deal with clients. Very simple. And when a client is being disrespectful and not treating you properly, you can choose to walk away. Life is full of choices.
Have an awesome day!
Dan
I have tried to ask my hubby for advice, but it usually leads to more frustration on my part. We have two very different fields: he is an engineer and I am an educator. He works fairly independently of others, while my job is a constant consideration of the legal, intellectual, and emotional needs of my students (and their parents/guardians). While I know he means well when he offers advice, he feels that everything is cut and dry, when, in reality, there are a lot of angles that need to be considered. Which drives him nuts because then that means that there isn't necessarily one right answer.
Jenny, you just reminded me of something I read in "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" -- just that men and women address problems so differently. Based on that theory, though, you wouldn't want to ask a man's (any man's, regardless of your relationship) advice on anything...
You know - I think his advice was better. Those sound like horrible and disrespectful clients. The ones who should grow up are the clients who mocked someone trying to set limits.
My hubby - well, he comes to different career choices than I do. He's a bit more ambitious in his choices and it took him a while to give me advice that's best for me versus what he would do.
Sadly, I think that in many cases, the actions a man would take and be successful with are not met with the same results when a woman takes them
I discuss professional issues with my husband and ask for his opinion, and he discusses his work and asks for my advice, too. That doesn't mean that we *agree* or that we'll take the other's advice, but we do take it into consideration when making our own decision on the matter. Overall, our advice is something along the lines of, "Well, I think A, but only you can decide on A or B." If it's something professionally that could affect us personally, then that statement is amended with, "I'm behind you 100% no matter what you decide."
I wonder if she prefaced her new limits with "my fiance says I should tell you" rather than stating "In order for us to have a productive working relationship, I need for these things to happen. If you disagree with this, I'd like to meet with you to discuss it to see if we can come to an agreement." I person who is offering consultative services has to be prepared to set limits in a way that leaves room for negotiation, without giving the client complete and total control of their life, or they're in the wrong job, imo.
(also have to say regarding the Mars/Venus thing, I saw a blinkie recently that said "Women are from Earth. Men are from Earth. Deal." which makes me giggle every time I think about it.)
I think Coco makes a good point, actions from a man are perceived differently than actions from a woman. I also think that in fairness, advice from girlfriends, or family members probably doesn't always work either. When we relay an experience we're only giving our side of it--we're human afterall--so the person giving us advice doesn't really have all the information.
Personally, Dh's advice is usually "well, just quit then!" which of course isn't really the advice I want!
I ask my husband for advice all the time. Even if I don't like what he has to say and I think he's wrong (he's usually not) I try to follow it. He has twelve and a half years worth of more screw ups than I do, so I trust him pretty well.
I always bounce ideas off my fiance - we work in totally opposite fields, so the answer is often interesting, but I still want his opinion!