LOST CONDOM-MOBILE.

CONTAINS 5,000 CONDOMS, 800 HIV TESTS AND A 23-FOOT INFLATABLE PROPHYLACTIC.

ANSWERS TO THE NAME "SPARKY."

Condoms are too tight! They don't fit me! They're too confining! (I'm so sure.) But no more excuses... Introducing the spray-on condom:

"The prototype, which began testing last year, consists of a hard plastic tube with nozzles that spray liquid latex from all directions, much like the water jets in the tunnel of a car wash. According to Krause, there are numerous advantages to his spray-on condom. "The condom fits 100% perfectly, so the safety is much higher than a standard condom's, and it feels more natural." But there are some stumbling blocks. The men who tested the spray-on condom had a few hesitations, Krause says. Some were "a little bit afraid to use the tube" and would only try it on their fingers. Others worried that the mechanism, which hisses as it sprays, might ruin the mood."

Nahhh....

(Still no update to be found on the musical condom.)

The delightful iVillage copy editor and Green channel producer just sent me the following Ideal Bite newsletter, which I read in total disgust and dismay.  (You must read it to the end!)

Is the third time really a charm?

The Bite
Yes, yes, yes! Everyone knows to turn used condoms inside-out for another go, but with a quick rinse, you can save additional latex and cash by using condoms three times before chucking 'em, instead of just two. Recycling just got 33% sexier.

The Benefits

·   Making cents while making love. Think of all the pennies you coulda saved if you'd adopted this tip during your slutty phase in college.

·   Saving the planet, one love glove at a time. According to science, if we don't start reusing condoms more frequently, we'll drive the wooly mammoth to extinction.

·   Pre-lubrication. Reusing saves lube too.

Personally Speaking
Condoms can tear during rinsing even if you're careful, so be gentle. That said, we've been doing this for years, and it's resulted in only three unexpected pregnancies.

Wanna Try?

·   Centers for Disease Control and

·   Planned Parenthood - y'know, just in case.

April Fools, Biters! Feel free to pass this along...we'll be busy sorting through the hate mail from readers who didn't make it this far.

Yyyyyep.  I fell for it, too.  (Of course I did...  Then again, I was definitely one of those readers who didn't make it that far!)

What do you need when you write a blog called Sex on My Desk?  Why, a condom paper weight: